FAQs

Q. We recently got engaged. What do we do during this time?

A. Engagement is an in-between time. You are not longer dating, but you aren’t married yet either. During your engagement, think through the ingredients involved in a successful marriage. Talk, study, and decide how your marriage will handle conflict, finances, praying together, communications, in-laws, children, the dividing up of responsibilities, etc… By doing so your adjustment period will be much easier.

Q. Does the Bible teach that pre-marital Sex is wrong?

A. Two specific passages speak about the sin of fornication, which means voluntary sex between an unmarried person and someone of the opposites sex.

In 1 Cor 7:2, the apostle Paul writes that one reason for marriage (certainly not the only reason) is to avoid fornication. “To avoid fornication let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Paul gives the same basic advice in 1 Thess 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you abstain from immorality (fornication); that each one of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like heathen who do not know God.”

In each passage, Paul warns unmarried people about the temptation toward immorality (fornication). He advocates marriage as an antidote (solution) to a single life of premarital sexual relations.

Q. Why do we have such strong sexual feeling if premarital sex is wrong?

A. God has placed inside every person a strong desire for sex. He wants you to have it. Which may make you wonder why He made your desires so powerful if you can’t enjoy them right now. Is God playing a cosmic joke on you?

Not at all. Be thankful you have that strong desire. You also need to realize that because people today mature physically during their early teens and often don’t marry until their early twenties, there are years and years of struggle to keep your desires under control.

It hasn’t always been that way. Until the last 100 years or so, people generally married within a year or two after they reached physical maturity. Today, you have a though course to run. Our sex-saturated society doesn’t help much easier.

But remember, God has given you all the power you need to keep your sexual desires under control. Following His advice in 2 Tim 2:22 will help: “Flee the evil desires of youth…”

Q. How do I say no to sexual pressure?

A. Set standards beforehand. Determine your standards, Then make sure your friends know about them.

Be Accountable. This means you have another person whom you keep informed about how you are staying in your own actions, thoughts, and attitudes. This person usually is someone more mature spiritually, someone you respect. If you start to slide, he or she loves you enough to help you get back on track.

Let your lifestyle show. By your conversation, your body language, and your actions, you can say not to sexual permissiveness.

Keep your mind pure. What you feed your mind determine what you think about, so it is important to be careful with what you let your eyes see.

Avoid sexually oriented media. Media includes, movies, TVs, magazines, internet

Dress to reflect your convictions. Modesty in your dress is important for girls and guys. Wear clothes that look good, but that aren’t designed to turn on people around you.

Choose your companions carefully. Hang around with people who have the same values and convictions that you have. Get involved in groups that support you in your values.

Seek wisdom of others. Choose good role models. Scripture teaches that “there is much wisdom in much counsel or advice.” Confusing emotions can get sorted out as you walk with older, more mature people.

Ask God help. None of these others strategies will work unless you realize that you really do need help. God doesn’t want you to be a lone ranger. Use prayer as your first step and all along the way.

Break off the relationship. If you’re getting pressured or giving by in to pressure, you can relieve the pressure right away by breaking off the dating relationship.

Look for the way of escape. God promises that He will show you the way out of temptation 1 Cor 10:13

Make a fast, strategic exit. Be honest about your weakness. If you think you can’t handle it or you’ve given in to this situation before, head for the door (adapted from Why Wait, McDowell/Day, HLP).