How to minister to Youth?

How to minister to Youth?

1. The qualifications for Ministering to Youth

3. The Techniques of Ministering to Youth

4. The limitations of Ministering to Youth

The qualifications for Ministering to Youth

No matter how uninformed, ill-equipped, and unqualified we may feel, many of us are confronted with the questions and situations that our youth today are facing. We may not be sure what the qualifications for the job might be, but many of us are utterly convinced that we don’t have what it takes.

What are the qualifications for ministering to Youth?

1. Warmth. The effective counselor genuinely cares about the happiness and well-being of the counselee. There is a sense of liking that begins to win the teenager’s trust.

2. Genuineness. The genuine counselor is for real an open, sincere person who avoids phoniness or playing of some superior role. Genuineness implies spontaneity without impulsiveness and honesty without cruel confrontation. It means the helper is deeply himself or herself – not thinking or feeling one thing and saying something different.

3. A Humble Spirit. Much damage can be done by counselor who is arrogant or self-centered, or who thinks (or acts like) he or she knows everything. Such a proud and haughty spirit, if it doesn’t drive a troubled teenager away, may create far more problems than it solves. A humble spirit, on the other hand, seeks to understand more than to be understood.

4. Emotional Stability. Perfection is not required of a counselor; if it were, of course, churches and counseling centers would look like ghost towns of the American West. But men or woman who hope to effectively counsel youth should be emotionally stable themselves.

5. Relationship with Jesus Christ. For many reasons, a personal relationship with and reliance upon the Lord Jesus Christ is crucial for anyone who intends to counsel others. There will be times when only the Holy Spirit of God can provide insight into a problem or solution. There will be moments when a supernatural supply of patience or perseverance is needed. There will be situations in which the only prescription is prayer and dependence upon the forgiveness and grace of God. For these and many other reasons, a close relationship with Christ is crucial to an effective ministry of comfort and communication.

6. Reliance on the Holy Spirit. Any adult who works with youth will encounter questions and situations that tax is or her knowledge and patience. The man or woman who relies on his or her own resources can never be equal to the task. But caring adult who recognizes his or her inadequacy, who consults God in prayer, and who at every step relies upon the Spirit’s wisdom, grace, and power will be a “channel of blessing’ to the young person in need of help.

7. Knowledge of Fundamental Biblical Teaching. A counselor of youth does not need a seminary degree (though it certainly wouldn’t hurt), but a knowledge of the Bible and its central percepts and principles is vital. It’s important to understand, however, the further necessity of a meaningful and faithful devotional life that includes reading and studying God’s Word. It is one thing to know God’s Word and another thing entirely to live and experience the Word daily in your own life.

The Object of Ministering to Youth

Many caring adults believe the object of comforting or advising a young person is to make that young man or woman happy. The object of ministering to youth, however, is not “happiness” but “Wholeness”.

1. Spiritual Wholeness. The first object in working with youth is and must be spiritual wholeness. The centrality of a real, personal thriving relationship with Jesus Christ cannot be overemphasized. Col 1:28. When we talk with other believers, we must always have in our minds the purpose of assisting them to become more mature so they can better please God.

2. Emotional Wholeness. Another purpose of ministering to youth, and one intrinsically related to spiritual wholeness, is promoting of emotional wholeness. Emotional wholeness lies in the working out of the image of God within us.

Teens or preteens who are being guided to spiritual maturity in Christ can also be helped toward emotional wholeness, toward an understanding and healing of the emotional problem that plague them.

3. Relational Wholeness. Another goal of ministering to youth is the promotion of relational wholeness. So much of the pain and dysfunction suffered by youth today is a result of unhealthy of broken relationships. Key among these is the parental relationship. A major goal of any adult who cares for young people is to achieve healing and restoration of that young person’s relationships first with God, then with parents, then with others.

The Techniques of Ministering to Youth

The English word technique is derived from the Greek word techne, which means “skill”. Any adult who has worked with adolescents will recognize that certain skills are necessary, and anyone who attempted to offer guidance to another person will acknowledge that how the guidance is given will, in large measure, dictate how well it is received and acted upon.

Five basic techniques that will be useful to any person seeking to offer comfort and guidance:

1. Attending. The counselor must try to give undivided attention to the counselee. This is done trough (a) Eye contact, looking without staring as a way to convey concern and understanding (b) Posture, which should be relaxed.

2. Listening. This involves more than giving passive or half-hearted notice or the words that come from another person. Effective listening is an active process. It involves:

Being able to set aside your own conflicts, biases, and preoccupations so you can concentrate on what the counselee is communicating.
Avoiding subtle verbal or nonverbal expressions of disapproval or judgment about what is being said, even when the content is offensive.
Using both your eyes and your ears to detect messages that come from the tone of voice, posture, gestures, facial expressions, and other nonverbal clues
Hearing not only what the counselee says, but noticing what gets left out.
Waiting patiently through periods of silence or tears as the counselee summons enough courage to share something painful or pauses to collect this or her thoughts and regain composure.
Looking at the counselee as he or she speaks, but without either starting or letting your eyes wander.
Realizing that you can accept the counselee even though you may not condone his or her actions, value, or beliefs.

3. Responding. It should not be assumed that the counselor listens and does nothing else…

Leading is a skill by which the counselor gently directs the conversation.
Reflecting is a way of letting counselees know we are “with them” and able to understand how they feel or think.
Questioning, if done skillfully, can bring forth a great deal of useful information.
Confronting is not the same as attacking or viciously condemning another person. When we confront, we present some idea to the counselee that he or she might not see otherwise. Counselee can be confronted with sin in their livers, failures, inconsistencies, excuses, harmful attitudes, or self-defeating behavior. Confronting is best done in a loving, gentle nonjudgmental manner.
Informing involves giving facts to people who need information. Try to avoid giving to o much information at any one time; be clear, and remember that when people are hurting they respond best to information that is relevant to their immediate needs or concerns.
Supporting and encouraging are important part of any counseling situation, especially at the beginning.

4. Teaching. All of these techniques are specialized forms of psychological education. The counselor is an educator, teaching by instructions, by example, and by guiding the counselee as he or she learns by experience to cope with the problem of life.

5. Filtering. Good counselors are not skeptical people who disbelieve everything a counselee says, but it is wise to remember that counselee don’t always tell the whole story and don’t always say what they really want or need.

The limitations of Ministering to Youth

The adults who seeks to comfort, encourage and minister to youth must be aware of his or her limitations and obligations.

In any effort to help a young person manage a crisis or reach a major decision, the involvement of that youth’s parents is crucial. You must be extremely sensitive to the parents’ biblical and legal authority over the young person. Any effort to advise of guide a teen without the knowledge, approval, and/or involvement of his or her parents is likely to fail or, at the very least, present thorny ethical and practical problems for the youth and the adult.

Things to know:

Dependence. The development of an attitudes of dependence upon the caring person is often the result of a helping relationship. The young person may show an increasing demand for the adult’s time and attention and an increasing reliance on his or her approval and advice. Such dependence is contrary to the caring adult’s primary objectives of spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness.

Manipulation. Troubled youth can be adept at manipulating adults. Some youth workers, teachers, parents, and pastors may sometimes find themselves doing all manner of things with and for the young person, thing that go far beyond their appropriate roles. Questions to ask: “Am I being manipulated?”, “Am I am going beyond my responsibilities?” and “What does this person really want?”.

Countertfransference. Countertransference occurs when the counselor’s own needs interfere with the therapeutic relationship. When the counseling sessions become a place for solving your own problems, counselees are not likely to be helped. This can be especially dangerous when the interaction involves a member of the opposite sex. For this reason, it is strongly recommended that a pastor, youth pastor, teacher, or youth worker limit his or her interaction with members of the opposite sex. A male youth pastor, for example, will be wise to refer girls to his wife or a to mature Christian woman in the church at the earliest possible moment and so avoid not only the appearance of evil, but the opportunity as well.

Words of Wisdom to help man or woman avoid unnecessary risk in ministering to young people:

1. Never counsel anyone male or female behind closed doors; meet in public places that offer the opportunity for “private” conversation

2. Set clear limits regarding your involvement, particularly if dependence is beginning to develop.

3. Limit interaction with members of the opposite sex to group setting.

4. Be alert of signs that you are being manipulated or exploited.

5. Make your obligations and limitations clear to the young person.

This page was adapted from: "Josh McDowell's Handbook on Counseling Youth"