|
|
|
Care and Counseling - Crisis Pregnancy
The Basics
Teenagers are working on figuring out how they fit into the world around them. They are asking questions such as:
Youths are making their own decisions—deciding what friends to spend time with or what activities to be involved in. Some are becoming involved in intimate relationships—an area confusing even to adults. It’s a major challenge for young people, these not-quite adults, to navigate the turbulent waters of dating relationships. A teenager’s fragile heart deeply feels the sting of ejection and the ache of being unwanted.
Society does not help us as we work to guide teenagers toward sexual purity. It views abstinence as an archaic idea. In some settings, people hand youths free condoms and tell them that they are incapable of controlling their urges. Young people today are catapulted into an adult world for which they are emotionally unprepared.
This chapter discusses the all-too-common problems of teenage pregnancy and abortion. An unexpected pregnancy will change the course of a teenager’s life forever, regardless of how she responds to her situation.
Another challenge many teenagers face is post-abortion stress. Teen mothers often make choices out of fear—choices they come to regret. The issues of unexpected pregnancy and abortion have significant impacts on the heart of a teenager. Those closest to the young woman—including you as her youth leader—need to know how to address these issues effectively and compassionately.
Care Tips
A teenager has just taken a home pregnancy test. It’s positive. She tells you she doesn’t know what to do; she feels paralyzed. Everybody else seems to have an opinion. You have the opportunity to speak truth to the teenager and help calm her fears so that she can make a clear decision. But how do you do this?
Listen.
Many young women don’t have anyone in their lives who will simply listen. So just listen until she asks you for advice. Once a young woman knows that you are listening to her, your words will have greater impact.
Ask about pressures and fears.
Find out what her pressures are (parents, boyfriend, finances, reputation) and the impact that each of these people or circumstances has on her life. Having her name her fears will also take away some of their power—talking about fears with a compassionate listener often helps to lessen them.
Help her identify feelings.
Crises bring up many emotions for teenagers. Listen as she expresses feelings other than fear, such as guilt, dread, isolation, and loss.
Ask about family.
Explore the topic of family reactions with your youth. If she has not told her parents or other trusted adults yet, offer to go with her to do so. Help her prepare for their initial reaction.
Make a connection.
If one of your teenagers is facing an unplanned pregnancy, contact a local crisis pregnancy center, which is a pro-life agency that will help her through the crisis.
Counseling Tips
God did not design the female heart to have to make a decision about whether to end the life of her child. Yet today’s teenagers live in a society where abortion has been legal since before they were born. A teenager’s decision to have an abortion can leave her with a train wreck of emotions.
Look for these symptoms of post-abortion stress:
You can help a teenager who has had an abortion by connecting her to group or individual Christian counseling. Crisis pregnancy centers are great resources for this. Group counseling can be healing for a young woman as she talks with others who know what she has been through. You can also talk to the youth about finding safe people to share her secret with. Be aware that the teenager is likely working through the cycle of grief ( “Grief ”). It may be helpful for her to memorialize her child’s life somehow, such as giving her child a name, making something for the child, or taking a trip to a local memorial for unborn babies.
What Not to Say
“What are you going to do?”
It’s overwhelming to try and have all of the answers at this point. Your friend needs to work through her pregnancy one day at a time. Instead, pray with her for wisdom.
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
This might wrongly imply that the baby is a mistake. Psalm 127:3 teaches that children are a reward from God. If your friend feels convicted about past sin, take her to Psalm 51 and help her find healing in God’s forgiveness.
“We’re all here for you.”
Chances are, as the months roll on, many of her friends will resume their normal youthful activities. She will feel more alone than ever. Give her a phone number she can call when she needs you. (Male youth sponsors may be more comfortable introducing her to a female role model.) Remind her that she has a friend who “sticks closer than a brother” in Christ (Proverbs 18:24).
What to Say
“Let’s just take this one day at a time.”
Celebrate the small milestones and don’t expect her to be able to digest everything at once. Help her get through this challenge 24 hours at a time.
“You can do this.”
God promises the strength we need to do the right thing. Empower your teenager by believing in her heartily. Offer hope, reminding her that God is a kind Father. He is in control and very near.
“I will always be your friend.”
Give your youth the security of knowing you love her, despite mistakes, trouble, and periods of un-fun. This will go a long way in helping her understand the miracle of God’s grace.
“What have you decided to name the baby?”
During the later stages of pregnancy, if your youth decides to raise the baby, choose encouraging comments and questions. Help your teenager get excited about the birth of her precious little one.
Emergency Response Handbook for Youth Ministry |
|
|
© 2008
Christian Youth Counseling Ministry.
|