Counseling The Adolescent

Introduction

Some biblical considerations and applications towards the needs of adolescents

Areas where adolescents face their greatest problems

Youth’s various responses to problems they face

Suggestions for the counselor and others who work with adolescents

Preventing problems of the adolescent years

Introduction

There are many questions we have about adolescents and it is even hard at times to determine what an adolescent is and what we should do for them as well as what their real needs might be.

It is during this time that young people experience many things that are foreign to them, and they are growing away from the parents and unto independence and maturity. They are making a move away from dependence into independence. Most people view this move as a sign of rebellion and disrespect. However this is not always true. Taken as a whole adolescents are not in great rebellion or deeply disturbed nor at the mercy of their impulses, nor resistant to parental values or rebellious. Of course there are those who are, but this is not true of the majority of youth, if they are understood and worked with properly, and the parent does not add to the problem by their own poor responses. They are simply trying to adjust their lives to accept all the changes that are taking place in them.

As we think about this period of life it is good to remember that this period of youth is divided into three phases. There is early adolescence, middle adolescence and later adolescence. The Bible has a lot to say about adolescence, but, of course the word does not appear in the Word of God and the word didn't come into use until about l905 or l910. Adolescence was probably not recognized as a separate part of human development until about that period of time. At the turn of the century the adolescent began to have many new freedoms which brought the need for a label that would designated the significance of that group and period of personal development.

The Bible does speak to young men and young women giving them many instructions for their lives.

The period of early adolescence. Early adolescence is the time that begins at about the age of ten or eleven and runs through the junior-hi school years. (11-14) It begins with a burst of biological changes that often times cause anxiety, bewilderment and sometimes delight for the adolescent. This is the time the child often begins to feel awkward, self-conscious and many times very dissatisfied with their physical appearance. They think they are never going to look normal again. Their arms get long and their legs get long but their body seems to stay short, pimples bring to appear on their faces and they seriously question whether they will ever be normal again. All the changes become a problem to them, and bring bewilderment and concern, especially when so often they are the brunt of jokes both at home and at church, or even snide remarks that degrade their person.

This is also the time when peer pressure and peer influence begins to develop. Now they are often more concerned about their peer's comments than about their parents. They are giving more prominence to the opinions of the peers than to the parents, teachers or others who they generally would have looked to as the source of inspiration and information. Peers and their input becomes a big thing to their lives, as they are seemingly growing away from their parents.

Many insecurities develop during this time. They are changing from sixth grade and going into junior-hi and so often they feel so extremely insecure about making this move and the pressures that will be there. There is a kind of developmental close "chumship" that often develops during this period. It is great when this "chumship" is with one or both of the parents. But they generally become very intimate with their friends and normally at this point it is the same sex friend. Girls form very close relationships and boys form very close relationships. There is always the possibility of hero worship and crushes on the opposite sex that comes into being during this period as well.

There is a spirit of new independence from the parents which is very marked during this period of adolescence. This is and can be healthy but can also easily be misconstrued as rebellion by the parents. Parents need to be cautioned during this period of time that they not see this move toward independence as a rebellious spirit on the part of the child. Every adolescent is in the process of change of individuality or individualizing and coming into their own, seeking to find their way. He is moving toward adulthood and unless he is seriously challenging the value system of the family this movement ought to be seen as normal and it should not be viewed as a rebellious response on the part of the child.

The second phase is what we would call middle adolescence. This is basically the period of time composed of the years between the fifteenth and eighteenth year, while the person is still in high school.

It is during this period of time that the teenager is trying to adapt to his new identity as a person with an adult body. They have been "growing away from childhood and unto adulthood" for some years now with all it's attending difficult changes and with growing responsibilities. In this period sexual urges are very intense and are difficult to control. Probably for the boy this is the time of the height of sexual urges. In recent years there has been a staggering increase in the number of pregnancies among teenagers most of whom are unmarried.

Peers begin to occupy a greater portion of their time than ever. In fact sometimes in particularly negative situations the peer relationships can become overwhelming. It may seem to the parents that they are actually losing their child to these peer relationships. It is natural for most youth that peer relationships become of greater significance during this time of their development. This is why as a parent or as a counselor it is extremely important that you help them to have the right kind of peers as their personal close friends. They need to be especially close to some peers who are going to help the adolescent maintain good values. You should get involved in a good church, and good youth groups are extremely important where young people really love the Lord. It does not need to be the masses of youth, but at least two or three other young people who are going to be the peer group and who will support the Biblical value system that is important to you as parents.

Day dreaming is often a very common problem among young people of this age. The youth will often spend a great deal of time with day dreaming. This can become a very serious thing if it takes up great periods of time and when it is concerning aspects of their lives, desires, passions, etc., that can later bring sinful living. Sometimes this day dreaming is rooted in a dissatisfaction with self or with their home, parents or siblings and it is a very unhealthy thing if it begins to take over the life of the teen. This can be the beginning of years of dissatisfaction with many aspects of life that later flows into the marriage. The youth needs to deal with this problem and realize the seriousness of "what is being sown will be reaped." Day dreaming can take place about the opposite sex and bring about sinful practices that devastate the life. It is very important that the youth has healthy spiritual mental attitudes and personal victory and that they are kept busy enough to challenge the body, mind and soul.

Young men need to be very active physically to "siphon off" some of these urges that come from sexual desires and could be built by time in day dreaming. Laying in bed after awaking any length of time is not a healthy thing, or going to bed without sufficient physical weariness and thus allowing the devil and sin to have advantage is a very serious thing. The counselor and parent must help the teen to know and see the answers in the Word of God, which we will share later in these notes to some extent.

It is not uncommon for the youth, at this period of life, to spend long hours on the phone. This is that period of adolescence when many could make a "cave" out of their room and spend long hours talking on the telephone with friends. That kind of activity ought to be monitored by the parents. If you don't let it get started or out of hand, you will not have as great a problem with it. Young people should not be allowed to make a cave out of their rooms. Nor should they be allowed to spend great lengths of time on the telephone.

Then current teenage styles and fads are going to be strongly desired during this period of their lives. It is a normal thing for the youth to want to conform, to be acceptable to those of his or her peer group. Strong parental loving concern and direction needs to be given during this period of time. The parents need to be careful that they are not reactionary and drive the youth from them over little things that are just passing fads, and have little effect on the overall convictions of the home or the youth. Parents need to have standards as to the kind of clothes and fads that are acceptable. But parents ought not to fear every fad. If a child ties a band around the head when they go out to jog does not mean that they are becoming a hippy. You should not react and fear every little fad that comes down the road. But on the other hand you ought to have standards and if your standards are that skirts are to be a certain length it does not matter what the fads of the world are, for you will not allow your teenager to wear them.

Dating and other relationships to the opposite sex become crucial during the middle adolescence period. It is extremely important the parents work through their values and standards with reference to dating. Therefore make firm decisions first as parents. These things ought to be thoroughly taught to bring convictions prior to the time of dating so that the youth will be spared from actions, etc., that would bring heartache and potential ruin. Those who are teaching, or are parents, and give counsel to youth must have firm convictions of their own if they are going to help the youth. If you let a young couple go out on a date and there is no standard and no value that is placed on what time they are going to come home they will come home very late. You will be very unhappy and they will be very miserable about the confrontation that will probably take place. So make sure that standards are in place and they have convictions so by the time they reach this period of life they know what is going to be allowed and what is not going to be allowed.

Three influences become extremely important during the middle adolescent period.

1) First of all the sexual aspects become very important. Biologically the middle adolescent is at the peak of his sexual energy. There is a need of love and acceptance in their lives. With the sexual openness that exists in our society today there is going to be a need for a careful dialogue and careful teaching by the parent and those who counsel young people (How to minister to youth?). There should be Biblical help so that youth avoid the pitfalls that our society has made and created with the sexual emphasis of this age.

2) Secondly drugs are a problem to many youth as we are all aware. The counselor, youth workers and parents will need to be extremely careful as they teach and direct in this area for drugs are so extremely prevalent in our culture. You will need to be sure that your young people are keeping company with those who are not in the drug scene. You must monitor that and be very careful and very concerned that convictions are built in the life in the first place so they can be spared for this horrible scourge and the personal ruin that will naturally come from "doing drugs".

3) Thirdly, motor vehicles become very important to the middle adolescent. Often to the teen the car or a motorcycle provide a way to express power and give a boast to feelings of inferiority. So during this time your youth will want a car, or want a motorcycle. You will have to be very careful and make individual decisions about this. Teens and motorcycles do not mix, they are a dangerous mixture. If you ride a motorcycle there is a 100% injury rate if you have an accident and come off that machine for bodily damage is almost always assured. Some can handle a motorcycle, but most cannot, probably very few can. Cars are safer, but still there must be rules, and standards that are going to be enforced. All these aspects need to be shared in counseling with teens as they mature and their desires and wants grow.

Middle adolescents find themselves faced with going to college, finding a job, leaving home and taking responsibility upon their own shoulders for their lives, future, goals, purpose, priorities, etc. It is often hard for parents to cut the apron strings so the parents will need to be encouraged and sometime counseled about these matters. The teens need help and direction as they make God honoring decisions, and seek His will. (Eph. 5:17; 5:10; 6:6; Col. 4:12) Help them set Biblical standards for their lives.

Lastly, it is a natural thing for this age group to be "groping" at times about three basic questions: "Why am I here?" "What can I do?" "Who am I?" They are concerned about abilities, gifts, talents, and what to do about the future. They are sometimes deeply burdened with inferiority, loneliness, and a feeling that no one understands them. They are trying to get a grip on the purpose of life. Often in the midst of these things they are also testing and trying their parents as they are endeavoring to find out if the things the parents have stood for and taught are really true. Truth must become theirs in reality. Parents often misunderstand their teen and think that the teen is just being difficult when in actuality they are trying to find their way, and set their own convictions, purposes, and values in life. In fact the lack of doing this may mean that they are followers who do not think for themselves and are very capable of falling quickly into error. The counselor must help the parents and workers with teens to understand some of these basic aspects of teen development.

The last stage is what we would call late adolescence. This is the period of time between graduation from high school (at about 18) and the 22, 23, or 24 year old age group.

This age group is making the move into adult society and are beginning to assume adult responsibility although they may still be living at home. (This can be worked out, as it seems that the late adolescent is staying home longer these days.) This is workable when there has been open, loving communication, respect, honor, and shared standards. The youth are happy there and it is still their base of living, while possibly preparing for the time of their departure. It is important that they be counseled (and the parent also) that as long as they are in the home they keep the values and standards that are laid down as part of the functioning of that family unit. At the same time they will possibly need counseling and encouragement to be working toward an independent status.

During this time they will be distinctly formulating their own personal life style. The parent will need to be encouraged to give them the freedom to do that. And yet they cannot be allowed to have a life style emerging that is going to be in conflict with the values and standards of that home. Especially if there are small children in that home, the older youth must realize the importance of their own example. They must be led to a commitment in developing a life style that is congruent with the life style of that particular household and that is honoring to the Lord.

There will be personal plans for the future. Many will be thinking about marriage, and/ or moving into a career. They need Biblical counseling and loving direction which can be extremely helpful during this period of time. But you will need to be careful as a parent or as a counselor that you do not get into a situation where you are judging them, or possibly devaluating their choices! Your direction can be extremely helpful, but it must be discreetly given. If you devaluate them and their choices while giving information, etc., you are going to set up a hostile relationship and that is not the kind of thing that you want to do. They need your sympathetic understanding and heart felt listening.

They are also wrestling at times with feelings of inner emptiness, confusion, and inner personal tensions and anxiety. Those who work with youth must be very careful to show that they care, they love them, and to give them the input they need about how to make the most out of their lives. We must remember that this group is trying to "nail down" some questions that are basic to their lives: They are considering...1) who am I, 2) how do I relate to others, 3) what should I believe, and 4) what should I do with my life? They are really wrestling with these four areas and you need to help them carefully as you give direction toward answers in the Word of God without appearing in any way to invade their privacy. Give them distance or space to seek their own answers, avoiding being "pushy" in any way. It must be that they come to their own convictions.

SOME BIBLICAL CONSIDERATIONS AND APPLICATIONS TOWARDS THE NEEDS OF ADOLESCENTS

The Bible has a lot to say that is applicable to all stages of the youth's development. The Word of God does speak to young men and women giving them very definite direction and instruction for their lives.

They are urged to be an overcomer. In the book of I John 2:14 (2:12-14) we read of three groups of people, designated as "men, children and young men". Probably the term "young men" does not necessarily mean men who are a certain age in their youth. It probably does mean those who are of various ages, but who are like young men in that they show three characteristics in their spiritual development. But let's apply it to youth! It would tell young men and women to incorporate the Word of God into their beings. They are to be strong in the word, for it must become the ingrafted word, and dwell in their lives. (Col. 3:16; James 1:21) Also they are told that they are to overcome Satan. It is during this period of time that Satan is particularly appealing to the desire and appetites of young people. The young person must learn to resist the devil and overcome his wiles, darts, and onslaughts. (James 4:7; I Jh 2: 12-17; I Pet. 5:8,9; Eph. 6:10-18)

Youth are counseled to "flee" from certain things. The Word of God clearly urges the youth to flee certain things as the basic answer when temptation comes and the urges to sin are there. They are to 1) flee youthful lusts, (II Tim. 2:22); 2) flee fornication, (I Cor. 6:18), for the Greek word means all kinds of sexual sins; 3) flee idolatry or the allowing of idols of any kind including covetousness, (I Cor. 10:14; Luke 12:15); 4) flee these things, (I Tim. 6: 9,10) and "following after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness." (I Tim. 6:11,12) 5) flee strangers, (John 10:5) or false and wrong kind of leaders. If our teens, during the various stages of their development will apply the Scriptures and truly seek to "flee" as God commands, much of the failure and fall into sin would be alleviated. God means exactly what HE says, and that is "to flee" as the answer to temptations. We are to literally run from and stay away from areas of potential temptations and failure. Those who work with youth must help them to make this a habit of their lives.

Young people are urged to be submissive to their elders. (I Pet. 5:5) And in Titus 2:4 the late adolescent is admonished to love their mate and to be taught by the old generation to fulfill God's will and desires for their lives. The young men are to be taught to be "serious minded, in all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works; in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, sound speech, that cannot be condemned..." ( Titus 2:6-8) The aged women are to teach the young women certain things .."to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." (Titus 2: 4,5) In I Peter 5:5-7 they are exhorted to humble themselves under the mighty hand of God.

In probably one of the most quoted portions to youth, they are urged to be an example of the believers. (I Tim. 4:12) Here they are urged to so conduct themselves as to not have a reproach upon their person, and therefore be despised. Those who work with youth must do their best to help young people build a godly life and be an example of saving faith in their daily life. These characteristics are greatly needed in our youth today.

There are many things that the word of God has to say to adolescent and they are designed to speak to them where they are apt to have particular problems. The counselor, youth worker and parent must be very familiar with the Scriptures, make a thorough study of the word of God looking for applications to daily living, and have firm convictions so that they can indeed help the young people of today in this difficult age and rampant sin on every hand.

AREAS WHERE ADOLESCENTS FACE THEIR GREATEST PROBLEMS

What are the areas where youth are experiencing their greatest problems as they move through the teens years into the early twenties? What are the causes of the problems for those adolescent years?

There are the difficult physical changes. During most of those years youth face many physical changes. I think every adult ought to be sympathetic toward the adolescent and understand the tremendous physical changes they are going through. This growth spurt is often accompanied by skin problem, fat, and periodical increases in energy and changes in body proportions. There is the development of body hair, changes of the voice, and other physical changes that can be tremendously embarrassing and frustrating to the youth. Jokes from adults about the changes taking place in the adolescent's life are most inappropriate. Late bloomers or those late in maturing are often the objects of jokes as are early bloomers and we need to be very careful and very sensitive about these changes taking place in their lives, for they are. They need a lot of love and support from the adults who are around them and not the jabs, jokes and barbs that, while spoken in fun, still bring a hurt to the young person.

Sexual changes are also taking place at a very rapid pace. The emotional changes that accompany the hormonal changes are times that can bring about feelings of fear, confusion, anger, hostility, or great temptation. There may be guilt and depression over sinful thoughts and acts. We need to be sensitive to the whole area of sexual change. Youth at times worry a lot about the sexual changes taking place within their bodies. They may worry about whether they are normal and whether they measure up to the other standards of adolescents in society and in their peer group. We need to be extremely encouraging. Those who work with youth must do everything in their power to help them embrace the Biblical admonitions to holy living. (II Tim. 2:22; I Thess. 4:3-7; I Cor. 5:9-11; 6:8-20)

Many young people go through a time when they struggle with the matter of morals, ethics and religion. They probably will go through a period of time when they will question whether they really hold to and accept the values of their parents and their churches. This ought to be seen as a normal part of their developmental cycle. Don't go into orbit when young people begin to ask honest questions about what the Bible teaches about morals and values. Answer their questions sincerely and honestly. In the day when television has such an impact of lives, they probably have a lot of false concepts of what is right if they have been TV addicts. Also rock music has influenced so many of the youth of today it is hard to find any who by themselves have a strong standard for God honoring music. Those who work with young people need to help them toward convictions early in life that will "hold them" when the temptations are there to embrace the wrong ideals of their peers. (I Tim. 4:12; Prov. 2:1-11; Prov. 6:22-23)

Inner personal relationships are often a problem to young people in all three stages of adolescent development. Fellows and girls will be great friends one day and really struggle with one another the next day. They need to see consistency in the lives of those around them and a stabilizing factor that comes through good communication with those in authority. All those who work with youth must help them to understand the need to build friendships with the right kind of persons.

Independence is a real issue during this period. Many parents have a hard time "letting go" of their young person. Mothers may especially try to keep them "tied to their apron strings". Rather than having the thrill of seeing their young person maturing and enjoying communication with them now on a more adult level the parent struggles with the fact that the child is growing away from them, growing up and may soon be gone.

Then many adolescents demand too much independence too quickly. This matter of independence is something that must be negotiated and parents need to listen to their youth and convince the youth of the importance of listening to the parents as well. The parent must realize that the child may naturally grow away from them but probably will gradually grow back toward them in respect, loyalty and sharing of life as they develop and get into the mid- twenties, if not at least in their early thirties. This is a period of time that they are trying to find themselves and all that goes with that burden.

Many teens (and those in early twenties) struggle with self identity or with self-esteem and self-image. This can cause a lot of problems during the adolescent years as they wrestle with who they are, and how they feel about themselves. If they have a poor self-image because of the way they were treated by parents and other authority figures while in their childhood they will naturally have some deep problems during these years that may well bring tremendous problems in their adults years as well. For the saved person our self-image and self-identity should be "wrapped up" in what we are and what we have in Christ Jesus. Our acceptance is in Christ, and in Him and because of Him we can rejoice in the fact of unconditional love. (Eph. 1:6; John 15:9; Col. 3:1-4; II Cor. 1:30)

The future is a source of great concern to many young people today. They can easily set and fantasies about the future. What is going to happen in the future? What will happen to them in the coming years? They can be very concerned about current events, the many negative things taking place in the world and around them and the obvious financial mess the world is in today. They hear the negative talk of many around them who are worried about their financial future as adults and parents and this of course effects them greatly. They need encouragement and the positive input of the Word of God. They need to study good books that will give them a basis of considering the future and financial matters. (Our office would have some books that would aid in this matter; such as "Succeeding With Your Money" and "Managing Money God's Way" .)

YOUTH'S VARIOUS RESPONSES TO PROBLEMS THEY FACE

There are many ways that these problems effect adolesences. And you will find there will be a variety of responses to these problems on their part as well. We will consider some of the more common effects of problems on the adolescent.

Some will begin to hold in their problem. They will cease dialoging and communicating or talking with those around them. The problem with this is that "this holding in" engenders loneliness and a lot of day dreaming, feeling of worthlessness, and a feeling of alienation and withdrawal from friends and parents. There can be a kind of apathy, a forsaking of usual interest and activity or a perpetuating of inner turmoil that is very unhealthy and a source of grief and anxiety to the parents.

For some it is the opposite as they "act out" their problems. So now instead of holding in the adolescent begins to act out the problems. A lot of drinking, drug abuse, lying, stealing, violence, crime and gang behavior is related to the fact that the adolescent is experiencing a tremendous amount of turmoil and he or she is acting out their frustrations. Often if the inner needs would be met and the youth would have a good self-image and good relationships with the authority figures in their lives they would never have come to this kind of action. Too often parents are too busy and neglect their youth, do not keep the lines of communication open and the young person is acting out their sinful ways to try and hurt the parent for the many things that have caused them pain. They perceive that they are not loved and the parent does not really care for them or what happens to them.

It is often noted that adults also "act out" their problems rather than to deal with the sin, and the guilt and determine by God's grace to have the victory that is available to Christ. In a later section we give some suggestions about this matter.

Sometimes the youth runs away from the problem! And of course this is very common in our society today as the course of action to take when you don't like things as they are. So wives run away with another man for they don't want to take their responsibility, the husbands runs away saying that he never had the opportunity to "play the field" and does not want responsibility as a father and husband. Youth run away and when they do so they run away from protection of their family and their society. Often they fall into the hands of very evil and malicious people who are looking for the young "run away" and then their problem intensifies. While this takes place so often among the unsaved and we have literally tens of thousands of "run aways" in our nation a year it is also taking place among the Christians.

Then there are those who stick with their problems. Many adolescents, I think the majority of them, will have some times when they act out, some times when they run away, and some times when they hold in, but most of them will stick with the problems and will resolve the problems. At times they do "act out" in anger, frustration, etc., and then mentally there are times when they "do run away", not physically so, but inwardly, mentally, and spiritually there are times they run from the issues they face. But most of them do face them, they will talk them over with their friends or trusted adults, they will react to failures by trying harder next time. They will learn from their mistakes and they will move through the period of adolescence in a relatively smooth fashion provided they have the Biblical help and much encouragement to grapple with their problems, and they have the "role models" that will strengthen such action. Maybe it does not seem smooth to the adults but it is smooth compared with what many teens are doing in the ruination of their lives today.

They do need Biblical answers, and more than that they must have convictions in their lives prior to the times of great stress, so they can stand when the pressures are there.

SUGGESTIONS FOR THE COUNSELOR AND OTHERS WHO WORK WITH ADOLESCENTS

Between the parents and their teenager there are often feelings of confusion, disappointment, hurt, anger, anxiety and even much guilt.

The counselor needs to be extremely sensitive, calm, compassionate and mature enough to tolerate criticism or flattery. In counseling the parents the counselor needs to encourage them with support and with facts that most teenagers do go through these things and most of them do need to be given some freedom to think independently. Parents need also to understand that the youth need goals put before them, and the parents must set the goals. Parents need to understand that while each member of the home have rights yet there must be a setting of limits in order that the adolescent will not go beyond certain limits. The youth needs to be taught to respect the rights and interests of all concerned. The parents need to respect the rights and interests of the young person as well and they need to help manifest real spiritual maturity as a role model for those young people. Most often spiritual maturity will be more "caught" than "taught" during those adolescent years. If you as a parent are giving all kinds of evidence that you cannot trust God, or that you cannot trust them then that will probably do more to injure the spiritual development of the youth than any thing else that could take place.

Often the adolescent will have questions. But those questions will be heightened if parents meet those questions with a real spirit of criticalness or over legalistic or in a judgmental posture. The counselor must encourage the parents to manifest a high degree of spiritual maturity and to be careful in how they work with the youths.

When counseling the adolescent the counselor must first get into the business of building rapport. Time must be spent to build rapport and a good relationship with the youth. The counselor must create a receptive atmosphere so the adolescent knows you are willing to listen to him, that you are going to be sensitive and open to what he (she) has to say. Honesty and respect mixed with gentle firmness must be given. The counselor must deal directly with resistance and confront the young person about it. Let him know that he is developing a resistant attitude and allow him to express himself but keep things above board. You must keep things on a conversational level, focus on discussion and concrete issues. Periodically take the time to summarize or point out what is happening emotionally within the interview and always listen to the adolescent and give him (or her) the right and the responsibility for giving you feedback for what is going on.

The counselor must be sensitive to the issue of transference as it applies to the counseling relationship. This refers to the tendency of individuals to transfer feelings about another person they have met in their life in the past to the person in the present, or more specifically to the counselor during the counseling session. The young person may be transferring on to you all his hostility and all his feelings about his father or mother. Again be sensitive to this as it will be have to be dealt with. Let the young man know you are not his father and you are not his grandfather, or some other adult toward whom he may have hostilities. You are a concerned adult who is trying to listen and trying to help. Be careful you don't respond like the person with whom you are being compared. When you think you have identified who that person is make certain you are not reacting as you sense they must have reacted.

As stated and covered elsewhere as a counselor you will need to get into "problem identification". You will need to encourage the youth to talk about the issues that may be involved such as: school, leisure activities, their home, their parents, their religious life and experiences, their plans for the future, their dating, their sexual problems if there are such, their likes and their dislikes, their worries, their relationships with siblings, etc. You must try to get into all of these aspects as you dialogue with the adolescent. Try to be a friend instead of an interrogator. Don't get so heavy into questions that you look like an investigator, or private detective. Show your desire to listen and be alert while listening to what the person has to share.

Set goals, stimulate self-understanding and build communication. Do all of that to get goals selected and settled upon specifically in the counseling situation for the good of the client. You need to do some "contracting" with this adolescent. You will need to have some specific goals in mind, things that you think need to be done that will improve 1) his relationship with his parents, 2) his teachers, 3) improve his ability to function within his peer group, and 4) that will improve his image of himself. (Things he can do to improve his self-image.) And 5) deal with the issues that have caused guilt.

There are a number of Biblical truths that need to be considered. The youth needs to understand if he or she is really a Christian. Does he really understand Biblical grace, Biblical forgiveness? Does God seem to him (in his mind) to be sort of a cosmic policeman? If the person is not saved, then seek to lead them to Christ. We need to clarify God with the young person. For probably they have some very false concepts which they have clung to over the years. Clarify grace, sin, clarify the "sowing and reaping" process (Gal. 6:7-9) putting much emphasis upon this aspect if you know they are truly saved, and help them understand the importance of considering what they are sowing, and what their harvest is and will be. Clarify the importance then of personal choices, clarify forgiveness and make sure that by the time he leaves the counseling relationship he thoroughly understands all these Biblical concepts and how to deal with temptation and have personal victory in it all.

Then we need to consider some ways to make the counseling as effective as possible. Any one of these or a number of these methods (and others as well) may work to help counsel the youth with whom you are working.

1. There are times when "one on one" counseling with the youth is the most effective.

2. There are other times when you will need to meet with the parents along with the adolescent. At times parents must be

there to help clarify, and/ or also face aspects wherein they are involved.

3. At times nothing would be better than to have a group of adolescents setting around, talking together, dealing with one another, in what they might call "rapping", and you be there as an adult keeping the thing moving in the right direction. You are wanting to lead them as a group to consider things that need to be considered, and help them find Biblical conclusions to various aspects of their problems.

PREVENTING PROBLEMS OF THE ADOLESCENT YEARS

Build a strong foundation in their childhood. There are things that we can do to help prevent problems in the first place. One of the most important aspects is what I call "Preventive Discipline". This is dealt with more thoroughly in the book..."Counsel for the Christian Family" and in the taped message of the section about "Rearing Children". We need labor to build conviction in the first place so that the youth has such strong convictions that they are spared from sin when certain temptations come into their lives as a result of the maturing years. This is done by encouraging, admonishing, training, teaching, exciting, enticing, exhorting, etc., unto the end to bring strong convictions based on the word of God. (Prov. 2:1-11; 3:1-8; 4:1-3; 4:10-13; 4:20-23; 6:20-23; 7:1-3)

The best way to prepare the youth is to build their lives when they are but children. During childhood, be consistent, be firm, be loving, have some rules but don't be legalistic, be democratic, be a negotiator, be open, but still be dealing with the child in such a way that there is a spiritual foundation. Don't allow the child to manipulate you, nor control you, and yet be loving and careful in the way that you handle the child. Keep an active, vital family devotional life helping the child to see how the word of God applies to their lives, keep active in Church, have a constant and consistent input on a spiritual level.

Then in an educational way you need to deal with certain things. You need to talk to or counsel young people about such issues as sexuality, drinking, masturbation, pregnancy, drug abuse, etc., All these things and more need to be discussed normally within the family unit. If parents are embarrassed about these things there are problems that are going to develop later. We need to educate our children about these things and then also send them to a Christian school. It is not a panacea, there are problems there, but there are teachers who are going to consistently uphold the values that are being taught in the home. Parents must teach many aspects of daily living and again build convictions in the lives of the children and teens so that they will determine to live for Christ.

Parents must keep a good family example. Counselors must help the parents to see the importance of giving the greatest of gifts, a stable home environment for that child and adolescent. Often that will do more to help the adolescent to turn out right than anything else. The youth needs to see a modeling of communication and of commitment more than anything else. That will be tremendously helpful. There needs to be consistent, godly living with Biblical principles being applied and lived in the nitty, gritty of daily life.

They need a lot of inner-personal support. The church and the Christian school can stimulate good friendship. Give direction, give spiritual teaching, help them to establish the right kind of friends and have the right kind of fun. Help the youth to be involved with a peer group that you like as a parent and are associated with yourself. Choose your children's friends, you can't always do it blatantly or forcefully, but you can do a lot of that "under the table" so to speak, as you help them to develop the right kind of friends. More than any other reason youth go astray because of the wrong kind of close buddies, pals, of friends. If their peer group are unsaved, sold out to sin and the world, you can be sure your child will be greatly influenced by such a group.

If we do all these things and teach parents along these lines, and counsel in this way one will have a reasonably effective counseling ministry with adolescents. It won't be all smooth, for there is no such thing as a smooth counseling ministry with adolescents. But it will be effective, you will have fulfillment with it, and you will find that in the end when the youth move into their twenties they will be well adjusted and have a background of helpful counsel that will put them in good stead.